Fugue Crack
by lexicalsanctuary
Summary: Okay. This is crack. There's 5 chapters in all. If you really want an explanation PM me or ask in a review leave an e-mail if you're a guest and I'll try to explain the best I can.
1. Lampshade

Artist's Note: I apologize to my watchers who didn't see this coming...I started this at 1:19 in the morning after not eating. I was a wee bit cracked when I wrote this. I was at my friend's house and some how this came into my head. One of my friend's will read this for sure, but I don't think my other friend will...Oh well, I'll have to force her.

NOTE: I don't hate Fugue. I just think he'sa douche bag. I also don't care if you love him. This is just crack. So don't take it too seriously. Oh and nothing was meant to be _well_ written, just written. And nothing was meant to make sense.

--

Fugue carefully slips his clothes off, dropping them into a pile at his feet. He reaches up and quickly tugs the monocle from his eye. With a flick, the glass shattered against the wall. The man sauntered over to the bed set in the middle of the room and draped himself on top of the red silk sheets.

He brushes his fingers tenderly over curves of wire, "I missed you my love," Fugue plucks the lacey lampshade from it's perch, holding it to his chest and caressing the stretched fabric, "Making it through a single day without your sweet sweet embrace is absolute agony! Kiss me, you wonderful hunk of lace!" The man pulls the object into a passionate kiss, moans of ecstasy escaping him.

--

Slumping back into the pillows, gasping and spent, Fugue turns his head and looks to his inanimate lover. His eyes fill with confusion as he watches his partner pulling on their lace and climbing out of bed.

"You're leaving?" The lampshade slowly turns away, the silence between them heart wrenching, "Don't go. Please," Fugue reaches out, but his hands closes on the empty air as his lover walks out the door.

The rejected man clutches a pillow, sobbing into it. Quiet footsteps slowly fade away.

--

The end

Don't fret. I have more. Oh and, go to my front page for the link to a pic of Fugue.


	2. Fudge

Artist's Note: More, as promised. I have 3 more after this. I don't know how many more I'll write.

BTW: This stemmed from me typing fudge istead of Fugue.

--

Slowly, his fingers peel back the wax paper, eyes filled with lust and hunger. The light catches his monocle, reflecting onto the treasure in his hands. Gently, Fugue separated a square of fudge from it's friends, holding it against his cheek. He slides it slowly across his face to his lips, his eyes slipping shut. Parting his lips, a indulgent moan slips from his mouth.

"I've waited far too long for your rich taste. Now…GIT IN MAH BELLEH!!"

Fugue violently shoves the fudge into his mouth, scraping more from the wax wrappings and flinging himself to the floor. Gasps and groans float up from the floor, drowning out the sound of the door flying open. In the doorway, a lacey lampshade cries, tears falling slowly down and splashing on the ground.

--

Tutu. Kitten. Death.

If I do write more, it'll have to be a new story line.


	3. Tutu

Artist's Note: I like this one the most I think. More for Jazz's and Gretto's reactions.

--

Jazz gazes horrified at the man in front of him. His skin turns sickly green as he turns on his heel and runs to the bathroom. Splashing and retching issue from the small room. Fugue gently smoothes down the front of the baby pink tutu, trying to buy himself some time. Polka stares wide-eyed, her hands covering her mouth, he face flushed completely red. Allegretto's shoulders begin to shake as laughter overtakes him. Giggling, he falls to his knees, clutching his stomach. He gasps, trying to find his voice.

"Oh my god! What the hell are you wearing?" Allegretto topples over in hysterical laughter, tears streaming down his face. Beat robotically raises his camera and snaps a picture. Allegretto laughs harder, sound no longer coming out.

From behind her hands, Polka speaks, "Fugue…"

"It's not what it looks like."

Beat manages to open his mouth, "Well, it looks like you're wearing a pink tutu to me," Fugue glares at the boy. A few choking noises escape Allegretto as his eyes travel up from Fugue's satin ballet slippers up to the underside of his tutu.

"Oh my god! You're wearing _bloomers_?" He collapses in to another fit of giggles when Fugue grabs his tutu and takes a giant step away from the boy rolling around on the floor.

"You're looking up another man's skirt? And you think I'm the freak," With a huff, Fugue storms from the room, jerking when Polka grabs his tutu. He growls and continues walking. The tutu rips and comes off, revealing some rather frilly panties. The man stomps away, grumbling under his breath, screaming laughter following him down the hall.

--

Can you tell I want bloomers?


	4. Kitten

Artist's Note: I think one is cute, Fugue apparently doesn't agree.

--

"Is that?"

"Yes."

"How?"

"Haven't the foggiest," Jazz crossed his arms and furrowed his brow as he studied the creature in front of him. Slowly he turned to the man next to him.

"That's Fugue?"

"Yes."

"Are you sure?"

"Entirely," Frederic gestures to the monocle sitting precariously over the eye of a gray tabby kitten, "He was standing in front of me, then _poof_, he turned in to a cat."

Jazz knelt down in front of the kitten that was been Fugue just minutes before. He reach out cautiously to the kitten, his hand hovering just over the tabby's head. When Fugue didn't move, Jazz lowered his hand the rest atop the tiny head. He grinned and had just looked back over his shoulder when Fugue yowled.

The boy didn't have time for what had happened to register in his head. He just stared down at his bloody and mangled hand. His eye flickered between his hand and the kitten staring innocently up at him.

"Ow. Ow. Oh god! Fucking OW!!" Fugue purrs contently and rolls over on his back to paw at the air.

Suddenly a girl appears and quickly yanks the monocle off the kitten Fugue.

"Yes! I got it!" She disappears with a pop. Fugue sits up, wide-eyed, completely ignoring the cursing coming from Jazz.

"She took my damn monocle!"

Frederic slowly turns and walks away, his face completely blank, "It's times like this that I really wish this was a dream. But no, that would make far too much sense and the world is too cruel to make sense."

--

I kind of feel bad for Jazz...Only kind of.


	5. Lover's Spat

Artist's Note:

WARNING: Stupidly sad suicide.

Lover's spat.

--

The three look at one another. Fudge and Lampshade glared down at the tiny gray tabby cowering in his pink tutu. Mewling whimpers broke the tense silence.

"_Who_ is he?" Lampshade's tone was venomous, "Tell me who this home wrecking hussy is!"

"Who're you calling a hussy, _slut_?"

"You calling me a slut?"

"And what if I am?"

"Oh it's on now, bitch!" Lampshade launched himself at Fudge, knocking him back a few feet. Fudge managed to backhand Lampshade and get back on his feet. Lampshade too a swing and missed, stumbling.

Fugue watched in horror as the loves of his life fought, clawing and punching each other. Chunks of fabric and wax paper flying every where. Unable to stand it anymore, Fugue ran crying from the room. His exit went unnoticed as the other battled.

--

Outside, Fugue cried over the bodies of his lovers, tears running down his whiskers, "Why, God? Why?" Gingerly, he lay the bodies in the grave he had dug. He dried his eyes with his tail and jumped down in to the grave, laying next to the bodies. Looking up, he nodded to Jazz, be picked up his shovel and began scattering dirt over the grave. Fugue lay still, content with his decision, and watched the grave fill up with dirt around him.

Jazz tossed his shovel to the ground and wiped his brow with his bandaged right hand. He gazed down at his injured hand, shrugging, he picked the shovel back up, throwing it over his shoulder.

"Good riddance, you psycho."

--

I feel bad for killing Kitty!Fugue.


End file.
